From the same country that gave us Newater, that refreshing beverage magically created out of our sewage, comes another human-waste-inspired invention — the urine-powered battery.

Are we aiming to be the Urine Hub of Asia?

But don't get me wrong, I am very proud of our researchers. You know I'm just taking the piss. This new invention is a paper battery powered by urine. I think it brings new meaning to the phrase, "Your battery run out of juice, ah?"

And you don't want to put the urine battery too long inside an appliance, because it may leak.

The researchers report that with just 0.2 millilitres of urine, this battery will give you around 1.5 volts, with a maximum power output of 1.5 milli-Watts.

That is really efficient use of pee. And the battery is to power tiny biochips that test bodily fluids for diseases.

I wonder if the toilets at Singapore's Institute of Bioengineering and Nanotechnology are labelled differently?

Instead of "Male" and "Female", I wonder if they are labelled "Lab".

And while I don't have an issue with using new technology revolving around urine (hey, the Gahmen convinced us to drink Newater, didn't it?), I don't think I would want to shake your hand after you've just recharged your NewBattery.

I also think it takes a brave scientist to think outside the box, to pursue a field of research that is not mainstream. While other scientists want to work on sexier projects like DNA Cloning, you chose to enter the field of urine battery research.

Like the scientists who decided that boneless chicken is an important specie to develop, for the good of all mankind and Hainanese Chicken Rice stalls all over the world, you chose to take the stuff we excrete and make it the energy source of the future. For that I salute thee.

It must have been hard to tell the loved ones what you do for a living.

"Yes, mum. I'm doing research on urine, mum."

And living with so many Chinese New Year gatherings and wedding dinners where relatives badger you with "Your mother say you are urine scientist, ah?"

I bet you intrepid scientists drank a lot of water every day to power your experiments.

Down the road, I am sure that the batteries will go beyond powering biochips to powering larger devices, like cars.

With oil prices rising the way they are right now, we really need to look into more efficient means of powering our vehicles.

And no, the Dance of the Petrol Station Discounts is not what I had in mind.

I can see our Singapore-invented Urine Batteries powering our future cars.

No more will we need to drive into JB to top up with the cheaper fuel there. No more will we need to drive from one petrol station to another, wondering if it is cheaper to buy from the one with the prices listed upfront, or the one with the bigger discount listed.

No more will we need to wonder if the SMS that we receive on our 60th National Day in 2025 is telling the truth about petrol stations giving a 60 per cent discount for one day only.

No, fellow Singaporeans (and assorted foreigners and permanent residents)! We will no longer care about petrol because we have the NewBattery!

And when we run out of power in the middle of the CTE jam in 2025 AD, all we need to do is to tell our son, "Boy ah, go out there and pee into the tank, the batteries are flat again."

What a glorious day that will be!

You will also not worry when you forget to charge your mobile phones in future (which my wife does from time to time, resulting in frantic searches for each other in crowded shopping malls).

Just a hop and a skip to the loo (though you should not skip too much if you have a full bladder), and your handphone is charged!

And the best part is, no one will ask to borrow it from you.

You may no longer need to carry a power cable for your laptop. Just work from the toilet and you will have an unlimited supply of power. Though for the guys, I recommend not placing the hot laptop too close to your, er, power source. The heat is not very good for your pair of, er, factories.

Needless to say, guys should not use their urine-powered laptops at the standing-up urinals. Best find a cubicle and sit down. You don't want to drop that laptop on the toilet floor.

I think the Newater people and the battery guys should get together and do a combo unit.

Singaporeans can then carry this urine-powered backpack that will take their pee and make it drinkable water on the spot. Two-in-one power!

I think we better start looking into better storage alternatives for this wonderful liquid. Maybe we should store it up for future use, you know?

You could use a glass jar, but that might look a little too avant-garde in your HDB flat. I foresee future HDB flats to have Pee Storage Tanks. That will be a Design-and-Build option.

If you don't want such fancy stuff, you can stick to the good old cookie jar.

Who knows, our clever scientists will come up with yet more ways to use our pee. Remember you heard the predictions from mr brown, when you are driving your 1.6 litre urine-powered car and cursing the other drivers who decided to pay the $150 ERP fee to drive on the CTE too.

mr brown is the accidental author of a popular website that has been documenting the dysfunctional side of Singapore life since 1997.

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